Bleeding Sex

After two months of being single and dating online I met this "Maybe Mr. Right". He's 6'1'', average body build (slender), slightly boyish, a little nerdy with his glasses, dark blonde hair, bluish eyes, and he's only 26. He works as a stock analyst for a big firm. We email constantly everyday, talk for hours on the phone and try to see each other whenever possible. He doesn't realize that his profile picture doesn't do him justice. He made plans to see me on a friday, but didn't get back to me. I'm sitting here scrolling through the phone and nothing. I figured forget it, if he can't keep commitments what's the point? He finally calls me on Sat, it's pouring out, so I was hoping that he cancels and plans for a sunday date. Well, he insist on meeting on Sat...so I say okay. I don't make much of an effort to look great, considering the first cancelation. We see each other and instantly hit it off. He can't stop staring at me. He making a big effort to keep me interested, cracking jokes about other dates he's been on. He tells me he's new to the online scene so I'm skeptic about how many women he's actually dating. He then proceeds to tell me about the three dates he's been on. One girl wasn't attractive, second girl baked him cookies on their first date and was a little on the heavy side, third girl wanted to buy drugs while they were out together...so obviously he doesn't call anyone back for a second date. He's extremely sarcastic and funny. I haven't had anyone make me laugh that hard in so long. We start making out and noticed that we definitely have chemistry. He tells me he wants to see me again on sunday so we make plans. We go out for dinner and have a blast. It's only been two weeks and we haven't stoped talking, going out, spending time together. By the way... I've already talked to his mom, spent time with his friends, and yes we had sex. He refused to have sex with me while I was completely intoxicated. He said he wanted it to be more special, both of us sober. So I sleep over a couple of times without having sex. One morning when we were completely sober we start having sex and before you know it I start bleeding like crazy. It was so gross, I was completely mortified! It's all over his sheets, and it's a mess. I know I had my period two weeks back, but it was a little weird only two days. I'm seeing my doctor on monday. I went ahead and scheduled a full STD test as well. You can't trust condoms! I'm also opting to go on the pill...can never be too safe. Btw...he's infertile. He needs to have surgery on his nads, something about vicose vains killing off all his sperm. Don't know if this is going to be an issue.

Wine and Dine

Been on four dates with Polish Guy #2. First we went for drinks at Kilmat in the east village, then to some french bistro in the upperwest, Ruth Chris in weehawken, and Garage in the west village. Today we're opting to just rent a movie and "hang out" at his place. I'm no dummy, I know what he's leading up to. The question is, am I open to it? Not really sure. Got a little freaked out when he told me that he's taking himself offline and that he told his sister that he found someone special...me. I'm a bit worried, because I don't know if I like him that much or am even ready to settle down. He's picking me up at 10pm and then off to Jersey. I'm probably going to end up staying there tonight. He's growing on me. In the meantime I still think about French guy. He's should be back in a week and a half or so. Wondering if he's going to call me when he gets back. Anyhoo, Finance guy is still in the picture. He's taking me to the opera on our next date. I love a cultured guy! Online dating is letting me experience New York with a date. I'm not sure if I really like Polish Guy#2. He's 29, 6'2'', super blonde hair, greenish eyes, preppy, works in finance, but looks about a 6 or 7 out of 10. I'm not that attracted to him. I usually need a couple of glasses before I'm okay with the date. (Not a good sign). French guy kept asking me if I'm talking or sleeping with other people. I keep dodging the question. I would never ask that, considering, i just know if you're online, then you're probably seeing other people. Today I was suppose to go out with the guy I met at the club, but he's totally flaky. He made plans to see me at 5 but wanted to go home and shower after juditsu, then he fell asleep and asked if we could meet up at 11. Um NO! Geez guys just have to get a clue. Anyhoo, called Polish guy #2 and am now getting ready to go out with him.

Backdoor sex?

French guy admited to me that he's had threesomes. We text each other all the time...mostly talking dirty via SMS. Funny thing is we've never done it. He goes on and on about how he wants me to "suck him dry" and keeps begging me to have him stick it in my ass. I may be a prude, but come on is he serious? How about I buy a dildo and stick it up his ass?! I mean, I'm open to a lot of things, things I haven't experienced. There are two things I just can't get myself to do. 1) Have some guy back door me and 2) Have sex with another girl, regardless of threesome fantasies. I realized I'm not going to go far with this guy and that I should use his sexual experience to give me some experience. I want him to teach me how to do it and do it right. We were getting hot and heavy on wednesday and while he's sucking on my tits and petting me heavily, his hand begins to wander towards my anus. That's when I pulled the breaks and told him I wasn't comfy with that Idea. I guess this put him off and he just wanted to go to sleep. This is what's going to happen. I'm not going to text him or talk to him as much....maybe only see him once this week if that. He acts like he doesn't need someone, yet all he ever wants to do is cuddle. Funny thing is, I don't understand why he's still around. I mean, it's not like we've ever done anything. He's gotten to second base at most, never any penetration. I'm available, but not emotionally available. He text me "are you mad?" today, because I refused to see him yesterday. It's all fun and games now. In the meantime, I went on another date with Polish guy #2 on sunday. Don't know why I got all dolled up, I wasn't even attracted to him to begin with. He works for the same company, just a different department. He's nice, he tried to hold my hand while we were walking around the streets of new york after we ate at some cute little french restaurant. One thing's for sure. I think the french infatuation is fading. Thank God.

Lost in Men

Since my breakup I've been lost. Keeping myself busy with dating, sex, and binge drinking. Doesn't sound healthy. I woke up this morning thinking a little bit more clearly. There's points in my life where see the road so clearly and other times where I'm just lost in a haze. At this point in my life I need to take control and wheather the "storm". I need a game plan. I need to be able to control my emotions, and charter them to make me productive. I shouldn't have to rely on men to keep me occupied. I want certain things in life, and I need to figure out how i'm going to get myself together. I realized, I'm looking for a man to fill a void of having my boyfriend of eight years. Here's the plan. I'm going to concentrate and pass my license. Then I'm going to look for another job doing what I love best, finance portfolio managing. I'm going to learn to speak french and go to Paris for a month between jobs. "Just do it"~my motivating statement. I've got nothing to loose and no one to stop me...what am I waiting for? If a man happens to come along, then it'll happen. Guys are so emotionally unavailable, I can't wait for someone to feel for me or get me where I need to be in life. If I want something, I have to get it myself. This is going to be fun and a challenge.

Mr. French Guy

I went on a date with Finance guy and that was okay. Met at this swanky place Patroon on 42nd and then went to dinner followed by more drinks. He's cute, put together, and into baseball. We played nintendo at his place. No worries, we didn't do anything. I left before it got serious. Besides, I knew I had another date to go to the following day. I'm keeping myself occupied and hoping not to set myself me up for anything serious, even though deep inside I do want something more stable. So I go on my next date with Polish #2 and find out he works for the same company as I do. He's decent not too cute, maybe a 5 out of 10. He's a nice guy. So we talk over wine and beer at a local pub in east village and I cut it short cuz French guy is texting me. Yes I said it "French Guy" is sorta back in the picture but not really in the picture. I realized that he's okay being by himself, if not he prefers it. There are so many women in NYC that's after his money, he can't seem to trust anyone. He considers everyone an "aquiantance". He asked me to come over the other night when I was on a date with Finance guy. He then text me "are you on a date?", and I completely ignore him. The next night when I was with polish #2 he text me again. He wanted me to come over. I cut my date short to head over to French guy's apartment. He doesn't answer the door, even though I know he's home. The firemen that responded to the building's fire alarm were asking me to hang out with them, which was flattering but not okay. So I proceed to try and get in touch with him to have him open the door. After 20 minutes I'm pissed. I bang on his door, refusing to leave because he told me to come out and see him and he finally answers the door. He was in his sound studio and couldn't hear a thing. He's talking about how women are so exagerate and how they are so needy always wanting someone to be around them, wanting them, making them feel special. With as much truth there is to that, I quickly dismiss it telling him not all women are like. He's tired of women chasing him for his money...I can see it in his eyes. He's a successful guy worth millions, I can't blame him for being that way. So I tell him I just got out of a really long relationship and not really looking for anything like that. I need some space from long relationships. I need to find myself, know that it's okay not to be with someone, and really just really be independent. So I find out French guy is really kinky. We start fooling around and he asked me to give him Head. I was like "i'm not giving you head" until I get an orgasm. That's right, I said it. This isn't going to be one of those moments where I'm doing all the grunt work only to find that I'm not getting an orgasm. You see, French guy is used to getting what he wants...but I really don't give a shit. I have my needs and my needs to be fulfilled. So we stop doing what we're doing cuz he's too tired to keep going. Wondering if he's got some sex issues. I don't think he can satisfy a woman. Not really sure, but he keeps avoiding it. So I tell him the deal. I'm at work and he text me "can you suck me dry"....he love's talking dirty. I text him "not until I cum". He text me "whatever". So obviously he's looking to get satisfied without reciprocation, which isn't okay with me. I text him "whatever yes or whatever no". Still hasn't responded. Anyhoo, now I'm giving him space. He has to know it's not okay. I confident with myself enough to know that I need to be satisfied. So that's where I'm at. I know my obsession with French guy is fading, but it's still there. Not really sure if I'm just trying to keep busy because I don't want to be bored. He is Mr. Big from sex and the city. The only thing that confuses me is that he loves to cuddle. If he really didn't need anyone, then why is he cuddling with me all the time. He loves the company and I see it. Why are women and men so different? Can he really be that into himself, or are there just some underlying insecurities that cause him to act in such a way?

Mr. Lawyer guy

I don't know what is going on with me, but I've been partying it up like there's no tomorrow. Thursday night, I went out with the guy I met at the club last saturday. Had a really thick Brooklyn accent...kinda different but okay. He's been texting me since the club, and now wants to make plans to see each other on friday. Anyhoo, I must have drank a lot that night because I showed up to work still hungover on Friday. By the time my hangover went away, my coworkers convinced me for another round of non stop drinking at this local bar in midtown. $20 all you can drink in three hours was a pretty good deal. I'm partying the night away only to find myself gearing up for "The Hunt" on saturday. It's a giant preppy tail gait that happens out in Jersey. We were drinking from morning till night. I completely passed out at a friends house. Today was pretty mellow. Lawyer guy texted me and wanted to make plans to see each other tonight. He's working late on sunday, but wants to see me after. He insist that I take him out this time. I don't understand why a guy who makes 150K+ a year wants me to take him out on a date. Can anyone explain this to me? I mean we don't really have much of a relationship. We've slept together and I'm pretty sure he knows there's not much going on between the two of us aside from the casual sex that we have. Why bother with all this other nonsense? Then I started thinking...could it be that he thinks this is going somewhere? I've seen him every weekend since we um...hooked up. Maybe he thinks we're really dating? I'm not sure what's going on, but i'll go with the flow for now. I know he's going to want to hook up tonight. It's late and i'm tired, would it be too much to ask if I were to sleep over? I don't want to bring my stuff like I'm expecting to sleepover...but then again...we are sleeping together...how much of an impossition would it be to stay till morning? Honestly, the last thing I want is to wake up and have to go home then go to work. Maybe I'll wear something tonight, that I can go to work in tomorrow...hmm...that's an idea. I'm going to dig a little deeper today. Btw...i've got three potential dates lined up next week. First guy the Director maybe on wednesday. Second guy is Mr. Finance, seeing him on tuesday. Then there's club guy on friday that I've mentioned before. I still don't have plans for the weekend. I usually try to fill up my weekends...not sure what or who I'm going to see. And yes, I'm still hung up on French guy. Miss him.

Good Bye French Guy

Okay it's been a day and still no response or any effort to contact me. I've been misserable all day. Whinning and complaining about how he's not getting back to me. I've even texted him "dissapeared?" and still nothing. What ever, call me neurotic but I couldn't take the hard blow to my ego. If I don't hear from him all week, then forget it. I'm going to miss being cuddled. I don't understand why I'm so worked up about this. I've known him for a week. A week ago, I couldn't have cared less if I ever even met him. I'm so quick to attach myself to someone. So I went online and started the entire process all over again. I'm trying to fill up my social callendar. I emailed this guy who lives in Astoria and he wants to meet up. I believe I'm going to call him Director. French guy should have been called "Mr. Big" referencing sex in the city's Mr. Big. Completely unattainable! I think I was in love with him cuddling, being able to talk about finance, his penthouse, arrogance, drive, and height. Aside from that, I really don't think It would have gone far. I'm secretly hoping he calls me, but then moving on to see what else is out there. I'm making plans with the Director as I write this blog, going to happy hour with some friends on thursday, then meeting up with the guy I met at the club. On friday, I'm going out with coworkers one of which is guess bar tending at a local pub in Midtown followed by a all girl slumber party at my Co-workers apartment in Hoboken. On saturday, I'm hanging out with some other friends and going to some horse race preppy tail gait "The Hunt" in NJ. Then I'm going to study for my securities license on Sunday. I think I should do a search on Finance guys, that way we'll always have something in common. You see when I go out with the Lawyer, we really don't have much to talk about except our social life. Can't really get into an intellectual conversation about what's going on with the markets, what type of investments are good for the momment, etc... I'm really frustrated, and pissed he didn't call. Now it's time to move on.